I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
