even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
