This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
