also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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