You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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