he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
