Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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