i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
