I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
