dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
