shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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