shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
