If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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