This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
