I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
