I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
