ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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