I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
