You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
