after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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