I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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