I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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