I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
