i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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