doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
