Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
