he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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