just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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