Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
