dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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