her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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