I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
