White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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