How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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