The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
