True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
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I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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