dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
