i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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