if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
