Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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