Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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