my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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