He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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