She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
