drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
