so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
