Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
