We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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