I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
