i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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