I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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