I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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