im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
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He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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