You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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