So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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