He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
