you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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