3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
