Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
