turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize