Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
