Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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