Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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