forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well you can't waste a boner
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
