It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
