How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
