I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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