So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
