Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
