True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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