Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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