fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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