you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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