what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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