I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
