i jhust puked up my retainher.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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